Mothers Day can often not be all it’s cracked up to be. Don’t get me wrong, I love presents and sentiments, celebrating the choices that I have made in life to get to this point and celebrating that life has given be the ability to give life. But it’s a complicated day of the year for many.
Perhaps you’ve a mother you miss who is no longer with us. Perhaps you’ve not seen your mum in a long time and miss her. Perhaps you didn’t get the chance to become a mother. Or perhaps you are a mother who has lost. There are so many reasons why there are difficult emotions around this day of mother.
And there are the mothers who I meet in my psychotherapy practice and parenting groups. Many of these mothers are coming because they feel that way they parent isn’t anything to celebrate. In my free Facebook Group Calm & Confident Parenting, this week many parents have spoken about not feeling good enough. This may present as anger, anxiety, rage, tiredness, guilt or a not knowing. But whatever it is, their internal compass is pointing towards not feeling good enough.
In my work with parents, and indeed with myself, this always comes back to the ultimate wound – the mother wound and healing the inner child. Parenting is very little to do with the children, it’s all about parents and how they parent their inner child.
Your inner child is all the parts of you that are vulnerable – the parts that your mother could not attend to. So what is the mother wound? It is the parts of us that were not tended to and when our needs were not met. And we know that parents can only meet the needs of their children’s vulnerabilities once they have understood how to navigate and heal their own. What parents must do is to keep their development moving forwards and move towards their inner child healing.
Parenting makes you have to experience a whole new way of being that you’ve never experienced. It’s vital the for the parents to keep moving through this with their inner child at bay, or the parents vulnerabilities become their children’s.
So I hope that you find some peace within yourself on Mother’s Day. Remember that the things that you find hard about being mother aren’t your fault – rather they are a product of your experiences in early childhood.
If you are ready to start connecting with your inner child and reparenting your inner child, then get your free copy of 5 Steps to Calmer Parenting here. Parenting that works building skills that last a lifetime and by works, I mean that works for you and your inner child. Then it’ll work for your children too.
The Waitlist is also open for the Calm & Confident Collective This is an online membership for parents looking for a place to solve their parenting problems…healing mother wound included.
If you’re interested in reading more about the Inner Child and parenting I enjoyed this article in the Irish Times Parenting Yourself. Really parenting is very little to do with the children but all about the parents. I like that Tony Humphreys knows this too.
And apologies if misplaced or forgotten apostrophes bother you, I really cannot remember where they are placed in the phrase Mother’s Day. Please do feel free to let me know firstname.lastname@example.org.