06 May Keeping Mum – and everything else really.
Do you follow Fearne Cotton’s podcast Happy Place? I love it. She so honestly talks about being a Mum, her mind, all our minds and brings real compassion to the whole thing.
In last weeks podcast she interviewed Billie Piper and they had a frank and open discussion about being a working mum (check it out here) and how it impacts on parenting. It resonated with me and reminded me of myself and other mother’s who I have worked with along the years. so many working Mum’s feeling compromised, exhausted, guilty, sad, resentful, regretful, functioning in a place of high stress, identity loss and change, self care slipping further away and so much more. I once remember my boss saying to me (after I’d returned to work from maternity leave with 2 kids under 2) “you’re flexible aren’t you?”. I mean, I was the least flexible person at that time and the pressure to say yes (which I did) was unbelievable.
I can honestly say that I’ve now got to a place that I have a good handle on being a working Mum. I don’t hold guilt or feel overly torn in either parenting of business direction. I think there is always going to be an element of never finishing to do lists, but if I am really living in the moment and seeing how my life is unfolding and perhaps this is my lesson to slow down. I have worked through the layers of my internal emotions so that I can create a great system for working and being a mother to 3 kids under 10. I am accountable and flexible within myself and have learnt the skills of pacing myself and tuning inwards.
I know that I used to be the kind of business owner who would sit at their computer early doors to cram as much work in as possible before kids woke, stay up late after bedtime, be on my phone in the playground. Cram, cram cram! But I realised that this doesn’t work for me. I’d lost my how. I’d forgotten about my compassionate mindset, behaviours and that part of me that has my best interests at heart. The part that guides me through life with empathy and ease.
Don’t get me wrong, when I am launching a new service I am under no illusion that those are the times I may need to work as hard as I can. But not at the emotional or physical detriment to myself, the kids or my relationship. I know that we operate as an emotional unit, so if I can manage feelings of stress and overwhelm (it’s not that I won’t have them, these are important internal systems we have as humans) and keep them within my compassionate container then my business and life will flow.
So what is your how like? How do you go about your day? Is your mind feeling torn and under pressure to be everything to everyone? I know that feeling well. Let me know how things are for you – I love hearing back from people.
I’ve recently started a poll in my free Facebook Group and Instagram Stories asking Mum’s what is the hardest part of life, so feel free to join and let me know in there too. I am in the middle of creating a service to help support working mothers/business owners/entrepreneurs who are pushed for time but would still like to make changes with their parenting. I understand that time to squeeze everything in can be hard, so this is something that will compliment the pace of life and create the change too. Make sure that you’re on my email list so you are the first to hear about when it launches.
Enjoy the podcast, it’s really great and summarises it all quite beautifully.
Bethan is a Psychotherapist, Mum of 3 and Parenting Expert who specialises in supporting parents to find their parenting best. For more about Bethan have a read here.
Have you got your free copy of 5 Steps to Calmer Parenting? It’s a great way to start the changes you’re looking for so that life is easier.