This question reminds me of the teenagers I’ve worked with over the years. The one thing they needed from their parents was to not crumble when they told them about the difficulties they had in their lives.
This doesn’t mean that parents don’t experience an emotional reaction, you aren’t a robot! What I mean is that when your child is struggling with something you pay attention to what they’re saying and you let them know that you will help them with it. It’s important to let your child know that no matter the problem they have, they can come to you as you will find a way to help. This doesn’t mean that you know all the answers. It could mean getting outside help or upskilling yourself.
On a day-to-day basis, being a pillar of strength is being consistent and predictable in your relationship with your child. Do you respond in a similar way to situations? Or can you react in a way that is sometimes explosive and sometimes calm? Are your boundaries flakey or overly rigid?
Working through your triggers, exploring your parenting default mode and undoing what no longer serves you means that you will have the emotional capacity to see, hear, understand and help your child. You can only help them when you’re working through being a pillar of strength for the parts of yourself that you find tricky too. Parenting is always a multi process of supporting yourself, minding your inner child and meeting your unmet needs as well as being there for your children too.
If anything in this blog resonates with you and you’d like support to create change, you’re welcome to book a free call with Bethan here to explore your support options. Make sure you download your free 5 Steps to Calmer Parenting. If you’re looking for immediate parenting support, you can start your free 7 day trial in the Calm Parenting Club where you’ll find the answers to your parenting problems and be supported to become the parent and person’ you’d like to be.