30 May This weeks Ask Bethan: “Help – I feel like a terrible mum.”
I am sorry that this is your experience of being a Mum. I’d love to know more about why you think this. You might be able to understand this better yourself by asking yourself these questions.
- Who are you comparing yourself to?
- Is it the practical elements of family life or the emotional development of your child that concerns you?
- What is it about your behaviour and or thoughts that lets you know that you are terrible?
I know that answering these won’t feel great, but in order to shift what doesn’t feel good, we have to understand it.
My guess is that there’s a whole narrative in your mind about you not being good enough. Unfortunately we are dealt with a predisposition to parenting in a certain way based on our unwittingly inherited parenting default mode and perhaps this doesn’t fit with who you’d like to be.
Perhaps there are parts of your parenting that would be more helpful if they changed. But I want you to know this; if you are being the parent you don’t want to be, it’s because you are overwhelmed. If a friend called you and shared the same experiences with you as you are having, what would you say to them? I can imagine you’d be kind, supportive, gentle and offer practical support.
If so, this is what you need to create for yourself. I know that our brains aren’t wired to tell us nice things when we are sinking. But this is what you need.
Is there a friend you can turn to? Can you pay someone to mind the kids and get a break? Can you seek the emotional and practical support to create the changes you’d like to establish within your life?
There is no greater initiation in life than that of motherhood. Those little people in front of you mirroring back to you all the parts of yourself that you find the hardest. I want you to know that you are not alone and every parent feels and experiences this. But remember that your child doesn’t need you to be perfect, just connected to what’s going on for you and able to share delight with your child in their life.
To get support with this, or any other parenting difficulties you are facing, book your introductory call with Bethan here.
Bethan offers three supports to parents:
- One to one parenting consultations where we create a bespoke plan to understand what’s going on and create change. Appointment are available in person and online. Book your consultation here.
- The Calm Parenting Club – try Bethan’s online parenting membership free for 7 days and get the support and information you need for yourself and your family to thrive. Sign up here today.
- 3. One to One Counselling and Psychotherapy appointments are available in person and online for those looking to work through their inner worlds to create change. Book your appointment here.
Don’t forget your free 5 Steps to Calmer Parenting which will support you to crate change now and be the parent you’d like to be.